It’s my first time back since I sat in that hotel room 389 days ago, broken and defeated. I’m not sure if I’ve avoided here on purpose or not, but being back brings more memories and emotions then I anticipated, they come over me in waves, I’m feeling all the things today.
It almost feels like a different life, the last time I walked through the doors of the Soho Beach House I was shaking, after a hard night of partying I was desperately trying to not drink, I wanted to make it through one afternoon without needing that sweet relief that came as I downed my first (second and third,) drink. If you’ve never experienced it, great, but if you know what I’m talking about, if you’ve felt that moment when all the shakes and anxiety go away, when that actual feeling of being normal again returns to your body…well, then you get the kinda day I was having. I didn’t last long that day, 1 drink to take the edge off quickly became another bender, I left drunk again feeling like I failed and sobriety was beyond my reach….I’m so glad I was wrong.
I’m coming back strong, I’ve learned this past year that drinking isn’t anything I want to be a part of again, it takes all the joy out of a pretty amazing life, and truth be told, this really is the happiest I’ve ever been.
It’s going to be a weird few days, memories good and bad are everywhere in Miami, but it’ll always feel like home to me and I know it’s time for me to be here again, to reclaim it and know that I did it. I got sober. (I’m tearing up as I write this.) I’m going to watch the sunrise tomorrow, play with my daughter, say a prayer to the universe and remember, one day at a time, how far I’ve come….and smile, because life sober is so damn great.