Home alone.

I’m sitting in my bed, drinking coffee and scrolling through Instagram, I woke up after the sun came up and decided to roll back over not once, but twice. My house is clean, really clean, like every room is exactly how I left it, and I spent yesterday binge watching Netflix.

I’m alone.

Yep, for the first time in my entire adult life I have the house to myself.

I started a new job recently, but before I got it we had already booked our yearly family ski trip to Beaver Creek, we decided that instead of canceling it, that Sean (G-d bless him) would take the kids (all 7) to Colorado without me.

I’ve been by myself for a week, at first it was tough, I felt like something was missing and my entire heart ached, a trip with my new friends to L.A., turned into a nightmare and had me questioning all my recent life choices (and ended with me having a breakdown in a Hawaiian shirt and neon visor,) but I got through it with the help of my mom and my bed.

This weekend on the other hand was great, the loneliness was replaced by peacefulness, I was able to go out with my friends, work out when I wanted and ended up having the best Sunday Funday I’ve had in awhile, all without the feeling of “I need to get home.”

I’ve been with someone my whole life, so it’s easy to focus on others instead of myself, and I have to say, an amazing self awareness comes in the quiet.

I wish I had known how special this was when I was younger, that I appreciated the quiet, the feeling of only answering to yourself, I was always in a rush to get to the next “step” of life that I didn’t stop and appreciate the one I was in.

They get back in a few hours and as excited as I am, I kinda hope I get to do this again (although 1 night would be the best,) turns out I like being alone, and I think it’s been a healthy break for me.

I’d love for everyone to take some time for themselves this week, to breathe and be with themselves, then let me know how it felt.

I’ve been facing some uncomfortable truths lately, and this was just what I needed.


How do you have so much energy???

The last time I was in Miami I was talking to my friend Kelly, she mentioned not wanting to go do something because she was tired and I jokingly replied “if I didn’t do things because I was tired, I’d never leave the house.” I kinda saw a “lightbulb moment” in her, and she replied, “you know what, you’re right.”

From the outside looking in I can easily see how people seem to think I have this endless supply of energy and enthusiasm that keeps me bouncing from one activity to another, sometimes scrolling through my Instagram feed leaves me wondering how I do it all too, but honestly, life’s to short to be boring, at least for me.

I’m a planner by nature. Parties, nights out, lunches, trips, I love creating fun for everyone. Spending time with my friends invigorates me, even if I have to drag my ass out of bed to get there, I’ve never come back from a night out wishing I’d stayed at home instead.

Vacations (or trips I should say, since we always take the kids,) can take weeks of planning, go dreadfully wrong, and yet, I’ll still come home thinking “when’s the next one!”

Anyone that knows me knows I’m easily excitable and always up for fun (just say YES!) If Jazz hands were a person, they’d be me, but I’ve also learned over the years, that the best way to keep your energy up, is to take the time to recharge when you need it.

Time alone, my door closed, no kids and a movie in bed can bring me back when my reserves are low, when I “hit a wall” I let my family know and hide out for awhile.

Finding that perfect balance took me years, maybe even decades, but I did, and I couldn’t be happier at how it’s all worked out.


Re-entry is hard.

As I was cruising down the 73 freeway, radio blaring, windows down, trying to capture some “summertime feels” I couldn’t help but notice the cars flying past me, I checked the odometer, I was barely going 55, yet it seemed so fast it made me nervous.

Re-entry is hard.

Go fast, wake up, check my email, look at the daily schedule….it’s draining. Kauai is my yearly reset, our time as a family to reconnect and put everything on hold for a bit, it centers me and reminds me what matters.

I’m, by nature, a high strung individual, as my mom often says “you’re a human “doing” not a human “being.”” It’s very true. From the moment I wake up, till I crawl into bed I’m on the go….except when we’re in Kauai.

Every year the first few days (weeks?) back is hard, I hunker down at home, keep my schedule as minimal as possible and only run errands I absolutely have to (with 7 kids this is still a lot.) I’ve learned to ease my way back into reality slowly.

While most people write about how hard traveling with kids is, I find it much easier then being at home, Sean and I get along best when we don’t have things like a broken AC or dead lawn to fight over, we work as a team better when he’s not as overwhelmed with the daily upkeep of such a large family (he’s actually trying to figure out why our kitchen is flooded while I type this.)

By the time school starts I’ll be back in the swing of things, running around, my master schedule back up (if it’s not in the calendar it doesn’t exist!!) But today I’m going to catch up on Southern Charm and hide at home!!